If you are desiring a divorce but are unsure on how to approach the subject with your spouse, you may find yourself in a difficult and uncomfortable position. Approaching such a sensitive, emotional, and possibility hostile conversation can be daunting. Therefore, your Tallahassee Divorce Attorney has compiled a list of tips on how to tell your spouse you are wanting a divorce.
- Ensure you are certain about your decision to divorce your spouse. Give yourself time to consider your reasons for wanting a divorce and consider what is in your best interest. With this time, you will be able to discern if you are fully prepared to approach your spouse with this difficult news. If you are uncertain and wavering, this can cause a great deal of confusion for you, your spouse, and your children. This is also why it is important not to threaten your spouse with divorce. If you are uncertain about the idea of divorcing your spouse, do not specifically ask your spouse or threaten your spouse with a divorce. Instead, you may want to discuss with your spouse the idea of separation.
- Set out a time and place where you wish to discuss the matter. It is important not to ambush your spouse with such heavy news. You’re discussing the demise of a marriage, and you need to provide the proper respect and attention to such a topic rather than just mentioning it in passing while cooking dinner. Ask your spouse to set out a time in their schedule to discuss a personal and serious matter. This allows them to prepare mentally. Further, it is important to discuss such a matter in private. You may want to do so inside the comfort of your own home, or if you have children, you may need to obtain a babysitter to take the children to the park or have the conversation occur outside of the home so as to not allow them to overhear.
- Plan out and prepare what you wish to communicate during this time. It is common to lose your track of thought and be overcome with all different types of emotions. Emotions are known for clouding your judgment and thought process. Therefore, it is important to note the specific points and thoughts you wish to get across to your partner during this time. If necessary, write them down so you don’t forget them or neglect a certain topic. However, it is important to be clear and direct with your statements. Be sure they understand that you are certain about wanting a divorce, and do not leave the conversation with any misunderstandings or unanswered questions. In the same way do not approach them with blame. Use “I” statements to get your point across rather than telling them it is their fault. Blame will only cause the conversation to take a heated and defensive turn rather than being productive and focused on the future.
- Be prepared for all emotions. Your spouse may have known a divorce was on the horizon and also desires this action, and they will be calm and understanding through the discussion. However, some spouses may get defensive, angry, sad, or even aggressive. It is important to be prepared for any and all different reactions from your spouse. Recognize if they are shocked, confused, or sad, they may attempt to talk you out of your decision. Further, if they become angry or aggressive, you may need to remove yourself from the conversation to seek safety as to protect yourself from the conversation becoming physical. Being able to recognize and have an action plan ahead of time for each emotion will assist you during this conversation and keep you on track.
When initially discussing the idea of divorce with your spouse, it can be extremely difficult and heartbreaking. However, after this conversation you will have a better idea as to where they stand and how the divorce proceedings may progress. You may then also seek out the advice of your Tallahassee Divorce Attorney to begin the divorce proceedings.
Speaking to an attorney at our Tallahassee office is free of charge, and we accept calls 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Contact us at 850-307-5211 or complete an online contact form to get in touch with a member of our team today.